If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
