sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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