Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
