So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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