RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
