I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
