I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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