Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
