So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
