i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
