my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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