I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize