Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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