My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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