At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
