I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize