She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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