I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
