Porn is love you can see.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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