On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
