Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
