Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
