he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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