Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize