Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
