Will you blow on my dice?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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