i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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