Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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