I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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