i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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