I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
