I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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