Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
