you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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