Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
