When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
