I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
