Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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