i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
