Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
