Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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