porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
