Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
