I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
