You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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