this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
