when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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