Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
