perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
