Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
