my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
