and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
