if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
