I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
