Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
