I'm lost and stupid without you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
