If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
