Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
