Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
