they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
