She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
