Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
