I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
