A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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