how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
