I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
