Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
