called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
