i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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