How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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