I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
