fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
