walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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