singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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