PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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