she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
