I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
